For people with neurodivergence, ACT promotes the acceptance of one’s unique neurology and cognitive functioning, helping clients to recognise and embrace their neurological differences as valid aspects of their identity.
A top tip when working with neurodivergent clients is to address the idea of their neurodivergent identity. We want our clients to develop a greater sense of self-compassion and self-acceptance by knowing and understanding themselves better. If clients can connect with their identity as a neurodivergent person – whether they’re autistic, have ADHD, or another form of neurodivergence – you’ll see an incredible blossoming of well-being within them. As therapists we need to learn the ways that they express and connect with people so that we can become part of this process of acceptance and embracing of their differences.
Here we explore the “5 “love languages” of neurodivergent people – the different ways they may express and seek connection that may differ from neurotypical norms but are just as valid. This idea emerged after a tweet by Em (@Neurowild) went viral on May 27, 2021. Since then, numerous neurodivergent groups and individuals have shared their own insights on neurodivergent love languages.
The 5 love languages of neurodivergent people
1. Info Dumping
Neurodivergent individuals often find joy in sharing large amounts of information on their favourite topics or “special interests.” Asking someone about their “spin” – the things they’re truly passionate about – can be a wonderful way to connect, even if the topic isn’t of particular interest to you. You’ll see their face light up as they share.
2. Body Doubling / Parallel Play
Neurodivergent people may find comfort in doing things together, but not necessarily engaging in constant conversation. For example, attending conferences or working side-by-side, each engaged in their own interests, can be a form of connection. The mere presence and shared experience can be enough.
3. Support Swapping / Sharing Spoons
Neurodivergent individuals often collaborate on shared challenges, supporting each other with practical tasks. This could look like sending reminders, or helping with things one person struggles with but the other excels at. Small acts of assistance can be deeply meaningful.
4. Deep Pressure
Not everyone loves this, but many neurodivergent people find deep, firm pressure (like from hugs) to be soothing and regulating. Of course, consent and mutual comfort are essential.
5. Penguin Pebbling
This refers to the practice of gentoo penguins gifting pebbles to their mates. For neurodivergent people, it can mean sharing small tokens, articles, or other items you think the other person would appreciate – a type of thoughtful, low-key connection.
When working with neurodivergent clients, experts need to be mindful of these alternative modes of expressing and seeking connection. Normalising and exploring these as valid parts of their identity can greatly enhance well-being and the therapeutic relationship.
These ideas are taken from our recent ‘Expert tips for ACT’ series on YouTube where Jennifer Kemp describes them in more detail – watch the video here:
To learn more about this, join Jennifer Kemp for ‘Working with neurodivergent adults’. As a renowned clinical psychologist, Jennifer specialises in helping people with a variety of mental health challenges including neurodivergence and she herself was diagnosed as an adult with both ADHD and autism. Jennifer’s holistic approach helps her neurodivergent clients embrace their unique neurological differences, manage intense emotions and sensory experiences, clarifying their personal values, building psychological flexibility, and navigating social and practical challenges. We are grateful to her for joining us to share this knowledge in more detail over 2 three-hour sessions. This workshop is also valid for APA CEs and BACB CEUs.
