Identify the DRAIN in your relationship – worksheet

This worksheet is taken from Dr Russ Harris’ book – “ACT with love: Stop struggling, reconcile differences, and strengthen your relationship with acceptance and commitment therapy”. It provides a framework for examining the potential “drains” in a relationship. It prompts the user to take an introspective look at how they may disconnect, react impulsively, avoid painful feelings, get stuck in their own mind, and neglect their core values when interacting with their partner.

Download the DRAIN worksheet here:

Download the DRAIN worksheet

 

DR RUSS HARRIS is a world-renowned trainer of acceptance & commitment therapy (ACT) and author of multiple books about ACT, including the international best-selling self-help book ‘The Happiness Trap’.


Overview of the worksheet – Identify the DRAIN in your relationship

By working through the different areas of ‘DRAIN’; D – Disconnection, R – Reactivity, A – Avoidance, I – Inside-your-mind, N – Neglecting values, the worksheet aims to increase self-awareness and uncover potentially damaging patterns that could be undermining the health of the relationship. This self-examination can then inform efforts to make positive changes and strengthen the partnership.

  • Disconnection – This section explores things like becoming bored, irritable, or emotionally distant from one’s partner.
  • Reactivity – This section delves into impulsive responses like yelling, criticism, or making hurtful statements.
  • Avoidance – This part looks at ways people may try to escape difficult emotions, such as using substances or withdrawing.
  • “inside-your-mind” – This component examines how people can get trapped in repetitive negative thoughts, worries, and judgments about their partner or the relationship.
  •  “neglecting values” – This section prompts reflection on how one’s behaviour may stray from important personal values like kindness, compassion, and being fun-loving.

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