In this video, the challenge of embracing self-compassion is explored. It highlights how those who need it most often find it difficult to accept, frequently pushing back and resisting. This resistance can stem from deeply ingrained beliefs, such as feeling undeserving of kindness, or from the fear that self-compassion might lead to weakness or complacency. For many, the concept of offering compassion to oneself can feel foreign or even uncomfortable, especially if they have spent years being harshly self-critical or prioritising the needs of others.
The metaphor uses the example of a garden where exposure to long periods of dry weather has caused the grass to completely die off. Under these harsh conditions, very little can thrive. Even if water is added at this late stage of neglect, the results are not immediate. The ground is so dry and compacted that the water simply sits on top, taking a long time to soak in. Similarly, for individuals who have been deprived of kindness—whether from others or themselves—absorbing self-compassion can be a gradual process. It takes time, consistency, and patience for the benefits to take root.
An important part of this metaphor is recognising that we wouldn’t blame the grass or the plants for failing to thrive when the conditions have been so unforgiving. Instead, we would look to improve the environment—providing water, nourishment, and care—to support the garden’s recovery. In the same way, individuals must be encouraged to stop blaming themselves for struggling under difficult circumstances. As therapists, we can help individuals identify their own barriers to self-compassion and guide them towards creating the right conditions for healing and growth. Emphasising the importance of self-compassion as a vital step in recovery allows clients to begin nurturing themselves without judgment, creating space for transformation and resilience over time.
View this post on Instagram
