Written by Joe Oliver
If I’m completely honest, I often feel disheartened when I receive a referral for problematic anger. The stereotype usually involves working with someone deeply entrenched in their anger, viewing themselves as a victim, and attending therapy only because they’ve been mandated or pressured by others, such as a partner, to address their anger. This scenario doesn’t typically provide a strong foundation for collaborative engagement to tackle what can be a challenging issue.
However, when therapy progresses positively, it can be incredibly rewarding because problematic anger can significantly impact people’s lives. It affects nearly every social relationship, extends to their performance at work, their parenting abilities and their capacity to enjoy friendships. It can also have physiological impacts; client can live in states of high arousal and hypervigilance, it can lead to entrenched negative views of the world therefore affecting their ability to simply have fun. When individuals learn to take ownership of their emotions and behaviour, it can be a powerful transformation, physically, emotionally and behaviourally. The challenge lies in balancing the validation of the emotional experience of anger with addressing the underlying feelings of hurt and disappointment, leading to vulnerability, something the anger may have been protecting them from. This connection can help individuals recognise the harm they are causing and seek to make positive changes.
It’s important to remember that anger issues don’t always manifest as overt, explosive emotions, as per the character from Inside Out. Anger problems often manifest in subtle ways, requiring the therapist to keenly observe and detect these nuances. Anger can manifest quietly through self-criticism. It may also appear indirectly when individuals express their anger in a passive-aggressive manner, such as through silence, procrastination or sulking. Other times, anger may present as impulsivity, leading clients to make quick decisions without considering the consequences.
Commonly, anger tends to be a private, internal experience, with clients holding onto feelings of resentment. They may spend prolonged periods dwelling on scenarios of revenge or revisiting past grievances. Anger can overwhelm individuals, leaving them flooded with a range of emotions linked to anger, causing them to shut down and feel unable to cope.
Given the complexity of anger, it’s crucial to possess honed clinical skills in assessment and intervention when working with anger. While there are various approaches to working with anger, one of my preferred methods involves using techniques from Compassion Focused Therapy. This approach delves into the root of anger issues by addressing underlying emotions and empowering clients to take responsibility for their emotions in a constructive manner.
If you encounter these issues in your own therapy practice, I highly recommend attending Russell Kolts’ workshop on using compassion focused therapy for problematic anger. The workshop offer valuable insights and strategies for working with clients dealing with anger-related challenges.
