An expert tip from Dr Chris McCurry, ahead of his workshop ACT for parents
Anyone who works with children knows that the real work of therapy rarely happens in the therapy room. It happens in kitchens, cars and bedrooms, in the heat of a Tuesday evening meltdown, long after the session has ended. The person standing in those moments is not the therapist. It is the parent.
This is why child behaviour is so difficult to understand, let alone influence, outside the context of the parent-child relationship. And it is why Chris McCurry, clinical child and parent psychologist and author of Working with Parents of Anxious Children, organises his clinical work around a deceptively simple idea: in child-focused therapy, the parent occupies two roles at once.
Parent as co-clinician
In the first role, the therapist and parent work side by side, looking outward at the child together. They co-create a formulation of what may be driving the behaviours of concern (the function) and the circumstances under which those behaviours occur (the context). That context includes the child’s temperament and what we know about cognitive and self-regulation capacities at different ages.
Crucially, this is where acceptance begins. Normalising this child’s behaviour under these conditions is not resignation; it is the starting point for change. From there, therapist and parent can work as a team to turn problematic situations into teaching and skill-building opportunities.
Parent as co-client
The second role asks something different. Here, the work turns gently inward, towards the parent’s own thoughts and feelings occasioned by stressful parenting situations. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) has been shown to be highly efficacious in helping parents regain a stable, grounded stance when awash in distressing private events, and then orient towards values-driven action in the moment.
Without connection to values, it is hard for a parent to know what to do in a difficult moment other than escape or avoid. With psychological flexibility, a parent has a chance to “navigate challenging situations effectively, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings” (Siri Ming, 2022). Simple, portable tools help here. Metaphors such as the minivan/people carrier, or the acronym SOBER (Stop. Observe. Breathe. Expand. Respond.), give parents something to reach for precisely when emotions and stories threaten to take over.
Why both roles matter
Look at the diagram below and notice what is missing: a direct line from therapist to child.
In parent-focused work, every intervention travels through the parent. A parent who is only ever co-clinician has a plan they cannot execute when flooded. A parent who is only ever co-client has steadiness but no formulation. Change happens when both pathways converge on the same person, who then carries the work into the everyday loop of family life, where it counts.
Learn to work both roles
In his upcoming workshop, ACT for parents: helping caregivers stay grounded, connected, and values led under pressure, Chris will show you how to move flexibly between these two roles in your own practice. Over 8 hours (with 8 CE credits and the recording available for 6 months), you will learn how to formulate parent behaviour without blame, help parents recognise their patterns without shame, and position caregivers as genuine partners in therapy.