Real experiences of the perinatal period
Birth is one of the most profound human experiences and one that is also a deeply personal experience. It is complex, powerful, and unique to every individual. As it’s Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, we’ve been reflecting on our own birth stories within our team: moments of strength, unpredictability, vulnerability, and growth.
In recent years, there has been a growing and important recognition of birth trauma. These conversations have helped validate many women’s experiences and opened up space for support and understanding. At the same time, it’s vital to acknowledge that not all birth stories are traumatic; and that meaningful, challenging, and life-shaping experiences exist across a broad continuum.
These stories extend beyond the birth itself. From the lead-up to birth to the early days of parenting, each person’s journey is shaped by so many factors; our expectations, our relationships, our pasts, and the systems we find ourselves in. Because every woman has a birth story. And they don’t end in the delivery room; they stretch into the tender, sometimes turbulent, transition into parenthood.
These experiences are intertwined with the emotional, psychological, and practical adjustments of becoming a parent; shaped by our individual histories, expectations, relationships, and wider social and healthcare contexts.
Through sharing these personal reflections, we also explore how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principles, particularly psychological flexibility, could support us navigating the complexities of birth and early parenthood. Whether you’re supporting someone in preparing for birth or reflecting on your own experience, we hope these stories offer a space for connection, insight, and compassion.
Navigating uncertainty: Nat’s story
Nat’s experience began with the invisible weight of uncertainty. Pregnant during the COVID-19 vaccine rollout, she was surrounded by speculation, conflicting advice, and concern—but little clarity.
“While my midwife was encouraging me to request the vaccine, the GP was cautious and said there was no evidence it should be given, and friends and families were extremely nervous. I felt confused and alone… I was constantly worrying about whether or not I was making the right choice.”
This uncertainty extended beyond the birth. After her daughter arrived, Nat experienced intense physical pain due to a misdiagnosed abscess.; one that eventually burst before she could receive treatment.
“Being unwell yourself while trying to care for a newborn… was brutal. I was struggling to feed or even hold her due to the pain. The internal guilt of not being there and being able to fulfil my role as the primary caregiver did leave me feeling like I was failing.”
What ultimately helped was support from a consultant who listened, who saw what she had been through and helped chart a path toward healing. Even without formal psychological tools at the time, Nat stumbled onto one of ACT’s core messages:
“I didn’t know about ACT back then, but I had to learn to accept what I could do within my limitations and when to ask for help… Learning to enjoy the parts I could actively do definitely stopped me from spiralling further.”
In ACT, this shift is acceptance; making space for discomfort while continuing to move toward what matters. Nat’s story shows how practicing self-compassion and asking for support are not signs of failure but acts of strength.
Unravelling assumptions: Shalyn’s story
Shalyn approached birth with understandable fear; fear she managed by preparing for every possible outcome. But preparation didn’t mean predictability.
“What I know now looking back is I couldn’t have predicted everything that would unfold because I simply didn’t know. It was full of unexpected moments.”
Her interactions with the healthcare system added a layer of disconnection:
“Nothing was consistent, no midwife or healthcare provider was the same each time. Advice was contradicted and changed with every new person. I couldn’t help but feel like I hadn’t done things ‘right,’ even though so much of it was beyond my control.”
One of the most powerful ACT tools in the perinatal period is defusion; the practice of unhooking from unhelpful thoughts like “I’m doing it wrong” or “I’m not enough.” ACT encourages us to ask: Is this thought helpful? Does it move me toward the parent I want to be?
Over time, Shalyn found clarity by tuning into her personal values and letting go of prior expectations.
“In the beginning of motherhood, I felt like I was trying on advice from others that didn’t quite fit… Over time, I focused on finding routines that worked for my family. That process of discovery was empowering.”
By letting go of the need to “get it right”, Shalyn moved into committed action; choosing what works for her family and taking steps in that direction. Her growth was less about fixing anything and more about learning to trust herself.
Honouring joy and anxiety concurrently: Kristy’s story
Kristy’s story adds a different perspective. For Kristy, she was given choice and autonomy despite her birth not following “the plan”.
“I was well-informed, supported, and given choices throughout. I share this because birth stories are diverse, and it’s important to hold space for the positive as well.”
Still, early parenthood brought its own challenges:
“One memory stands out more than anything: the relentless Googling. The constant stream of questions—Is this normal? What does this mean? I fixated on the tiny squeaks my daughter made, convinced they signified something.”
ACT helps parents like Kristy navigate cognitive fusion – getting entangled with thoughts and anxieties, and instead encourages present moment awareness. Noticing what’s happening now. Being with your baby as they are, not as your fears imagine them to be.
“I wasn’t wrong for worrying—it’s part of being human, part of being a mum. But learning to sit with uncertainty… and to stay present in the moments that matter—that’s what brings true psychological flexibility.”
Through ACT, parents learn they don’t have to get rid of worry—they can carry it with them as they keep showing up, day by day, in line with what matters most.
What ACT offers in the perinatal period
The transition to parenthood is full of uncertainty, intensity, and identity shifts. ACT offers a framework to hold all of that—not to fix it, but to help us:
- Make space for the hard stuff (pain, fear, doubt)
- Notice our thoughts and feelings without getting stuck in them
- Stay connected to what really matters—our values, our relationships
- Take action in service of those values, even when it’s hard
ACT isn’t about positive thinking. It’s about compassionate, flexible thinking. It helps us move with discomfort, not against it.
Every birth story matters
What unites these stories, though each is deeply unique, is the emotional honesty, the strength in vulnerability, and the transformative power of becoming a parent.
There is no single way to give birth. No single way to mother. But by sharing our stories, we create space for each other. We remind each other that we’re not alone. And we offer a quiet kind of hope, rooted not in perfection, but in presence.
We hope these reflections offer you something meaningful, whether it’s comfort, insight, or just a moment of recognition. Wherever you are in your own journey, may you feel seen.
Co-written by Dr Kristy Potter, Shalyn Oliver and Natalie Littlehales from the Contextual Consulting team
Our ACT for perinatal mental health workshop will explore how ACT can help parents manage uncertainty, strengthen their bond with their baby, and rediscover a sense of identity and purpose. It will also introduce emerging research on remote-delivered ACT for perinatal mental health, making psychological support more accessible for parents.
Led by specialists in perinatal mental health, Dr. Cerith Waters and Dr. Jennifer Berrett, this session draws on their extensive experience of delivering ACT face-to-face and remotely to support parents through pregnancy and early parenthood.