It’s a moment many therapists will recognise.
A client takes a breath, their voice shakes, and they say:
“I’m sorry for getting emotional. I’m overreacting.”
For ACT practitioners, this is more than a passing comment; it’s a doorway into important therapeutic work. This article looks at the reasons why clients might apologise for their emotions, how we can respond to this with openness and then ways we might be able to use the situation to help with flexibility training.
Why clients apologise for emotions
Apologising for emotional expression often comes from:
- Social conditioning (“don’t make a scene”, “keep it together”)
- Self-criticism or shame
- A history of invalidation — being told feelings are “too much”
- Fear of burdening others
In ACT, we treat emotions not as problems to get rid of, but as experiences to notice, make room for, listen to and respond to with values-based action.
The Instagram poll
Recently, we asked our Instagram community of ACT therapists: How do you respond when a client apologises for their emotions? We had close to 200 responses and here’s what they said, and how these link to ACT principles.
“No need to apologise, listen to what arises.” (43%)
- Inviting the client to drop judgement and turn towards the experience.
- Linked ACT processes: acceptance, present moment awareness, self-as-context
- This response normalises emotion and removes the “problem” label. By encouraging the client to notice what’s showing up, you’re fostering mindfulness and loosening the grip of self-criticism.
An alternative way to say this:
“Let’s just notice what’s happening here together, without needing to change it.”
“It’s okay to feel emotions. Let’s explore why.” (32%)
- Validating the emotion and creating space for curiosity.
- Linked ACT processes: acceptance, cognitive defusion, values
- This both validates the client’s inner world and opens curiosity about what the emotion is pointing to. The “why” here isn’t about rumination — it’s about connecting the emotion to values, context, and needs.
An alternative way to say this:
“If we let that feeling be here, what’s it telling us about what matters to you?”
“If you made space, what’s your next step?” (22%)
- Linking emotional awareness to committed action.
- Linked ACT processes: acceptance, committed action
- This helps the client practise willingness, allowing emotion to be present, while still engaging in values-consistent behaviour. It moves the focus from controlling feelings to living in alignment with what matters.
An alternative way to say this:
“If the emotion could just ride along for a bit, what would you want to do next?”
“Emotions are scary, let’s try something new.” (3%)
- Acknowledging fear and encouraging gentle experimentation.
- Linked ACT processes: acceptance, committed action, self-as-context
- This acknowledges fear as part of the experience, models compassion, and offers an opening for behavioural experimentation. Trying something new can help clients build tolerance for discomfort while staying engaged in valued action.
An alternative way to say this:
“What’s a small step we could take together, even with the fear here?”
Bringing it together in therapy
When a client apologises for emotion, it can be tempting to reassure and move on. But in ACT, this moment is rich territory for flexibility training. You might:
- Pause and acknowledge
- Slow the pace, soften your tone, and give space for the experience to be noticed.
- This models willingness and non-judgement.
- Name the process
- Gently point out the apology and what it might signal, for example, avoidance, self-criticism, or fear of judgment.
- Use this to invite present-moment noticing.
- Normalise and validate
- Remind the client that emotions are part of being human and not a sign of “overreacting.”
- Turn towards, not away
- Explore what the emotion is telling them about their needs, values, or boundaries.
- Use metaphors like “making room” or “letting passengers ride along” to support acceptance.
- Link to values and action
- Help them see that they can still take meaningful steps even with emotion present.
Example in practice
Client: “I’m sorry for getting upset.”
Therapist: “It sounds like this emotion is showing up strongly right now. What happens if we just make some space for it and listen? It might be pointing us towards something important.”
By meeting apologies for emotion with openness, ACT helps clients move from shame and avoidance to awareness, acceptance, and valued living.
ACT in action
When a client apologises for emotion, you might:
- Validate: Acknowledge that feelings are part of being human.
- Normalise: Share that emotion is not a sign of weakness or failure.
- Open space: Encourage noticing and naming what’s here without judgement.
- Reconnect to values: Explore what matters most in the moment.
For example:
“I notice you’re feeling emotional. That’s perfectly okay here. Let’s slow down and see what’s showing up.”
When we respond this way, we’re modelling psychological flexibility and making room for difficult experiences, noticing them, and choosing our response in alignment with values. Over time, clients learn they don’t need to fight, hide, or apologise for their inner world.
Striking the right balance between connection and challenge is essential for effective therapy, our clients need to feel safe to talk to us without judgement but we need to be able to challenge them enough so that we can guide them towards positive change and personal growth. Functional analytic psychotherapy (FAP) is one behavioural approach that encourages use of the therapeutic relationship as a catalyst for change. It will show you how to identify and acknowledge subtle client struggles while encouraging awareness, courage, and love so that you can bring your most authentic self into the therapy room.