Practical suggestions from ACT to help with grief
The festive season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. However, for those experiencing grief, the lead-up to Christmas can feel particularly heavy. Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and the contrast between the external festivities and internal pain can feel overwhelming.
Christmas can also bring with it reminders of loss – whether it’s the absence of a loved one at the dinner table, memories tied to traditions, or even the pressure to feel cheerful when you’re struggling. Anniversaries, special dates, and the awareness of “what was” versus “what is” can intensify the emotional experience.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there is no “right” way to feel during this time. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) offers a compassionate framework for approaching grief that allows us to honour our pain while continuing to live in alignment with what matters most. Below are some practical suggestions grounded in ACT principles to help those navigating grief in the lead-up to Christmas.
1. Acknowledge and make space for your grief
It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions during the holiday period, and these feelings—whether sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy – are valid. Try not to push your feelings away or judge yourself for having them. Instead, practise noticing and naming what you’re feeling. You might say to yourself, “I notice a wave of sadness,” or “Here’s a feeling of longing.” This simple act of naming emotions can help create space between you and the intensity of the experience.
ACT encourages us to “make room” for difficult emotions rather than trying to suppress or fix them. You might imagine creating a metaphorical container for your grief, allowing it to exist alongside the other parts of your experience without letting it take over completely.
2. Connect with what matters most
Grief often reminds us of what we care about – our relationships, our values, and our shared experiences. Take some time to reflect on the values that underpin your feelings of loss. For example, if you’re mourning a loved one, the pain may reflect the deep love and connection you had with them.
Consider how you can honour those values during the Christmas period. Could you create a small ritual to remember your loved one? This might involve lighting a candle, sharing stories about them, or continuing a tradition they cherished. By connecting with your values, you can find a sense of purpose and meaning, even amidst the sadness.
3. Practise self-compassion
Grief can be exhausting, and the added stress of the festive season can make it harder to take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritise self-care.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, practise a grounding exercise to bring yourself back to the present moment. For example, you could try the “5-4-3-2-1” technique: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This can help anchor you when your thoughts and emotions feel too much to bear.
4. Embrace flexibility in traditions
The holiday season is often steeped in traditions, which can feel particularly painful if someone you’ve lost was a key part of those rituals. Rather than feeling bound to past traditions, give yourself permission to adapt or create new ones.
You might decide to simplify your celebrations, opt out of certain events, or introduce a new activity that feels more aligned with your current emotional state. Flexibility allows room for both grief and joy – and it’s okay if things look different this year.
5. Open up to support
Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a professional therapist who can hold space for your emotions without trying to “fix” them. Sometimes, simply sharing how you’re feeling can lighten the emotional load.
If you feel uncertain about reaching out, remind yourself that asking for support is not a sign of weakness—it’s a reflection of your human need for connection. In ACT, this aligns with the idea of moving towards relationships and openness, even when vulnerability feels challenging.
6. Let go of the “shoulds”
During Christmas, there’s often societal pressure to feel a certain way – joyful, festive, or grateful. If you find yourself comparing your experience to others or feeling like you “should” be doing more, pause and remind yourself that there is no right way to grieve or celebrate.
ACT encourages us to let go of rigid rules and focus instead on living in alignment with our values. Ask yourself, “What’s truly important to me this holiday season?” and let your choices reflect that, even if it means saying no to certain traditions or expectations.
7. Allow moments of joy – without guilt
Grief and joy can coexist. You may find moments of lightness or happiness during the festive season, and that’s okay. Experiencing joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one or that your grief is any less significant.
Try to stay present for the small joys that arise – a warm drink, a kind word, or a moment of connection. Savour them as they come, without judgement or guilt. These moments can be a reminder that life, even amidst pain, can still hold beauty.
Final thoughts
Grieving during the lead-up to Christmas is undeniably challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to practise self-compassion, connect with your values, and honour your emotions. Remember that it’s okay to feel a mix of things – grief, love, sadness, and even joy.
By approaching your grief with openness and kindness, you can navigate this season in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to you. If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, offer them the same compassion and patience, remembering that their journey is uniquely theirs.
Above all, know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to take things one moment at a time.
If supporting your clients with grief is a topic that you would like to learn more about, you might like to join us and Dr Ray Owen for ACT for grief, a short intermediate workshop that will equip you with practical tools to effectively support clients as they navigate their grief journeys.
