Created in collaboration with Lisa Coyne
Helping young children develop psychological flexibility using acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is an exciting yet challenging journey. Clinicians and parents alike might feel unsure about how to translate complex ACT principles into meaningful and practical strategies for children as young as four years old.
At the heart of ACT is building flexibility; whether that’s within the child, the parent, or the family as a whole. Practical strategies are essential when working with younger children, who, unlike adults, learn predominantly through play, experiential activities, and reinforcement, rather than by listening or talking.
Here, we explore five practical tips drawn from ACT principles that can provide some actionable guidance for clinicians working with parents of young children.
1. Conduct a thorough functional analysis
Understanding why a behaviour occurs is essential for designing interventions. For instance, when a child acts out or displays impulsive behaviours, consider the potential cause. Are they seeking attention? Are they trying to escape a challenging demand?
A functional analysis helps direct the response. If a child’s actions aim to gain attention, reacting with scolding or punishment may inadvertently reinforce that behaviour. Recognising these patterns allows for interventions that encourage more desired behaviours instead.
2. Reinforce positive behaviours
One of the simplest, yet most effective strategies for shaping behaviour is recognising and reinforcing the actions you want to see. This is often referred to as “catching them being good.”
Encourage parents to use labelled praise, which directly identifies the behaviour they’re praising. For example: “I love the way you’re sharing your toys so kindly with your sister!”
This approach strengthens desired behaviours and provides clear feedback, which is particularly important for young children who thrive on tangible and specific reinforcement.
3. Slow down and notice internal experiences
For parents, managing their own internal world is critical when supporting their child. Parenting often brings out strong emotions such as frustration, anger, or sadness, particularly when dealing with challenging behaviours like tantrums or impulsivity.
As a clinician, encourage parents to pause, take a deep breath, and notice their own emotional experiences before reacting. This brief moment of awareness can help them avoid reacting impulsively and instead choose a response that aligns with their parenting values.
4. Focus on the long game: Connect to parenting values
Parenting can be overwhelming, particularly in the heat of challenging moments. ACT principles encourage parents to clarify and connect to their values as a guide.
Ask parents to consider their long-term parenting goals:
- What traits and qualities do they hope their child will develop as they grow?
- What characteristics do they want their child to embody in adulthood?
Common parenting values include resilience, flexibility, kindness, and emotional regulation. Keeping these values front and centre during complicated moments can help parents respond in ways that support those long-term goals.
For example: When facing a child’s frustrating behaviour, instead of succumbing to anger, parents can focus on encouraging resilience. They might say,
“We all make mistakes, how can we fix this together?”
5. Build warm and nurturing relationships
Relationships between parents and children serve as the foundation for emotional and social development. ACT encourages parents to prioritise warm, nurturing, and responsive interactions.
By creating a safe and supportive environment, parents can build their child’s confidence and encourage emotional openness. They can also model important skills, such as expressing emotions, navigating frustration, and practising mindfulness.
One ACT strategy for parents involves acknowledging their child’s emotions without judgement: “You’re feeling really mad right now. It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s take a few breaths and figure out what to do next.”
This not only validates the child’s experience but also teaches them invaluable skills for handling emotions constructively.
Weaving it all together: playfulness and purpose
These tips create a simple five-point framework for both clinicians and parents when supporting young children’s growth. ACT offers tools for engaging playfully with children while shaping behaviours, strengthening flexibility, and nurturing meaningful parent-child relationships.
By conducting functional analyses, reinforcing positive behaviours, pausing to respond rather than react, tying actions to values, and nurturing relationships, we can help parents to provide their children with the building blocks of psychological flexibility.
Supporting parents in developing these skills is equally as important as working directly with the children themselves. Parents who master these strategies not only improve their own emotional well-being but also model the resilience, flexibility, and kindness that children need to thrive.
So, whether it’s encouraging a child playing to notice their curious “noticing” self or guiding a parent to connect to their long-term values in a tough parenting moment, the process is filled with small, powerful moments. These moments can shape environments where children and parents alike learn to navigate life with curiosity, resilience, and care.
Join us this September when we host Lisa Coyne for ACT in early childhood (4-11 years) Lisa will show you how to use acceptance and commitment therapy to help young children (4–11) and their parents navigate psychological and behavioural difficulties.