Young children between the ages of 5 to 9 encounter unique challenges as they navigate the early stages of their social, emotional, and cognitive development. These formative years are shaped not only by their individual experiences but also by the relationships and environments they grow up in. Family dynamics, interactions with caregivers, and their broader social systems play a crucial role in influencing how children understand and respond to the world around them.
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can be thoughtfully adapted to meet the developmental needs of young children, offering creative and playful ways to encourage resilience and psychological flexibility. By addressing the child within the context of their family and social environment, ACT provides tools to help children thrive, while also equipping caregivers with strategies to model and reinforce these skills.
Specific difficulties faced by this age group might include:
- Difficulty understanding and expressing emotions
- Separation anxiety and fear of the unknown
- Developing friendships and managing peer conflict
- Worrying about making mistakes
- Comparing themselves to others
- Boundary testing and self-regulation
- Coping with changes in the family or home environment
- Fear of being judged
Here we look at each of these difficulties in more detail and how ACT may be able to provide support:
Difficulty understanding and expressing emotions
It is very normal for young children to struggle with understanding and expressing their emotions, particularly when they are tired, stressed, or hungry. At this stage of development, children are still learning to recognise and name their feelings, which can sometimes feel overwhelming or confusing. This can lead to frustration, emotional outbursts, or withdrawal, as they lack the tools to articulate or regulate their experiences. These moments, although challenging, are natural developmental steps as children begin to make sense of their internal world.
How ACT helps:
ACT introduces simple tools to help children identify and accept their emotions. For example, practitioners might use storytelling, or exercises like “name it to tame it” to help children understand that emotions are normal and manageable. Using games, or visuals such as emotion cards can make this process engaging and relatable for them. A “name it to tame it” worksheet is available on our resources hub.
ACT offers practical and developmentally appropriate ways to help children build emotional awareness and resilience. By introducing simple tools to label and understand their emotions, ACT supports children in normalising their feelings and recognising that emotions, even big, difficult ones – are a natural part of being human. Through curiosity and acceptance toward emotions, ACT helps children develop a healthy relationship with their feelings, reducing emotional reactivity and building the foundation for long-term psychological flexibility.
Separation anxiety and fear of the unknown
Separation anxiety and fear of the unknown are common and entirely normal experiences for young children. Many children in this age group find it difficult to separate from caregivers or feel uneasy when faced with unfamiliar situations, such as starting school, joining a new activity, or meeting new peers. These fears often stem from a limited ability to predict or control their environment, which can feel especially daunting during moments of transition or change. It’s important to remind both children and their caregivers that these emotions are not only natural but are shared by many children as part of their developmental journey.
How ACT helps:
ACT approaches these emotions in a way that normalises them and provides children with tools to navigate their fears. Rather than trying to eliminate these feelings, ACT helps children understand that fear is a natural part of doing new or challenging things. This perspective reassures them that experiencing fear does not mean something is wrong, it’s simply part of growing and learning.
One way ACT supports children is by helping them recognise what is important to them and connecting their actions to these meaningful goals. For example, instead of focusing on the discomfort of trying a new activity or leaving a caregiver, practitioners might guide children to notice the things they care about, such as making friends, learning new skills, or having fun. This shift in focus helps children see the bigger picture and understand that taking steps toward these meaningful experiences is worth the temporary discomfort they might feel.
Practitioners often use playful metaphors or activities to make these ideas accessible. For example, they might talk about being a “brave explorer” who notices their fears, takes them along for the journey, and moves forward anyway. This encourages children to hold a wider perspective, recognising that fear is just one part of their experience and doesn’t have to stop them from taking steps toward the things that matter to them.
Through interactive exercises, like drawing or storytelling, children can imagine themselves as courageous characters facing their fears, reinforcing the idea that they can handle difficult situations and still achieve what’s important to them. This approach helps children build resilience and confidence, equipping them to face future challenges with greater ease and self-assurance.
Developing friendships and managing peer conflict
As children between the ages of 5 and 9 begin to form more complex social relationships, it’s normal for them to encounter challenges such as navigating group dynamics, managing disagreements, feeling left out, or learning how to interact with others. These experiences, while sometimes tricky, are a completely normal part of growing up. They provide important opportunities for children to develop key social and emotional skills, helping them better understand themselves and others. Caregivers can be reassured that these difficulties are shared by many children and are part of their journey in building connections.
How ACT helps:
ACT helps children approach friendships and peer conflicts in a way that aligns with the things they care about most, such as being kind, having fun, or making others feel included. Rather than avoiding or brushing aside tricky emotions like frustration or sadness, ACT encourages children to notice and accept these emotions, helping them see that feeling upset or left out is a normal part of connecting with others.
For example, a child might care about being a good friend or having fun with their classmates. By focusing on these goals, children can be encouraged to take actions that build stronger friendships, even when they may feel hurt or uncertain. For example, they might practice sharing, apologising, or including others in a game.
ACT also provides playful, hands-on ways for children to develop social skills and problem-solving abilities. Using activities like role-playing with puppets, dolls, or peers, children can safely explore how to handle common scenarios, such as disagreements during playtime or feeling excluded. These exercises help children practice responses that reflect the kind of friendships they want to create, building their confidence and sense of connection.
Another helpful ACT strategy is teaching children to consider different perspectives. For instance, a child might imagine what someone else is thinking or feeling during a disagreement. This can help them better understand others’ actions and find ways to respond with kindness and understanding.
By combining tools for emotional awareness with creative and interactive approaches, ACT equips children to navigate the ups and downs of friendships and peer conflicts. It helps them build meaningful connections that matter to them while learning that challenges are a normal and manageable part of growing close to others.
Worrying about making mistakes
It’s very common for young children to feel frustrated or discouraged when they make mistakes. They might worry that they’ve failed, let others down, or that they’re “not good enough.” These feelings can be particularly strong when children are trying to master something new, whether it’s a school subject, a skill like tying their shoes, or a game they’re learning with friends. While mistakes can feel disappointing in the moment, they’re actually one of the most important building blocks in the learning process.
How ACT helps:
ACT helps children reframe mistakes as a normal, and even helpful, part of learning and growing. By using stories, metaphors, and playful examples, practitioners can help children see that mistakes are not signs of failure but opportunities to learn and improve.
For example, sharing stories about grown-ups or well-known figures, like athletes or inventors, can help children understand that mistakes are a universal experience. A practitioner might talk about a footballer who missed a goal but kept practicing until they scored, or an artist who smudged a painting but turned it into something even more creative. Similarly, children could reflect on their own experiences, times when they made a mistake, kept going, and eventually succeeded. These stories can build the child’s resilience and help them realise that everyone makes mistakes, and that’s how we grow.
ACT also uses metaphors to make these ideas relatable. A simple example is “learning to ride a bike after falling off.” Practitioners can use this to explain how falling off isn’t the end of the journey, it’s just part of figuring out how to balance. Children can explore how trying again, even when it feels hard or disappointing, is the key to getting better at something they care about.
Interactive activities like drawing or storytelling can also help children process their feelings about mistakes. For instance, they might draw a “mistake monster” to show how big and scary it feels and then draw themselves shrinking the monster by trying again. These playful exercises allow children to engage with their emotions and see mistakes as something they can handle.
Through normalising mistakes and highlighting their value in the learning process, ACT helps children approach challenges with persistence and curiosity. It encourages them to embrace the idea that mistakes are not only okay but an essential part of achieving the things that matter to them. This shift in perspective helps children build confidence and resilience, setting the stage for lifelong learning and growth.
Comparing themselves to others
Even at a young age, children begin to notice differences between themselves and their peers, comparing things like academic abilities, physical skills, or popularity. This is a normal developmental stage as they start to understand social dynamics and their place within them. However, these comparisons can sometimes lead to feelings of self-doubt, frustration, or low confidence, particularly if children feel like they don’t “measure up.” It’s important to normalise these feelings and help children understand that everyone’s journey is different and that comparing themselves to others is something our minds naturally do, but it doesn’t have to define how they feel about themselves.
How ACT helps:
ACT helps children recognise when their minds start to make comparisons and teaches them to step back from these thoughts instead of getting caught up in them. For example, a practitioner might explain that our minds are like “comparison machines” that are always working, even when we don’t ask them to. They might encourage children to notice these thoughts when they pop up, gently let go of them, and redirect their attention to something more helpful like being kind to themselves.
By helping children identify their own unique strengths and qualities, ACT encourages them to focus less on what others are doing and more on what makes them special. Interactive activities like drawing or storytelling can be a fun way to explore these ideas. For instance, a child might draw a “superhero version” of themselves, highlighting the skills and traits that make them feel proud. This helps children connect with the things they care about and recognise their own worth, independent of what others are doing.
ACT also builds skills like self-compassion and supportive self-talk, which can be particularly helpful when comparisons arise. Children can practice being their own coach, using kind and encouraging language to support themselves when they feel inadequate. Activities like role-playing or writing down positive messages to themselves can help reinforce this skill. For example, a child might imagine what they would say to a friend who is feeling the same way and then practice saying those words to themselves.
Boundary testing and self-regulation
Young children are still in the early stages of developing self-regulation skills, which means they are learning how to manage their emotions, control their impulses, and think before acting. It’s entirely normal for this age group to test boundaries with caregivers and teachers as part of exploring their independence. Impulsive behaviours, such as grabbing toys, interrupting, or refusing to follow instructions, often result from a combination of curiosity, strong emotions, and an underdeveloped ability to pause and reflect before reacting. These moments, while challenging, provide an important opportunity for children to develop self-control and decision-making skills with the right guidance and support.
How ACT helps:
ACT introduces playful and engaging ways to help children slow down and build awareness of their thoughts and emotions before they act. One of the key concepts ACT offers is “pause and choose,” which teaches children to notice what’s going on inside them—like feeling frustrated or excited—and to make more thoughtful choices about how to respond.
To make this idea accessible, practitioners often use creative metaphors or activities. For example, children might imagine being a “thought detective” who pauses to investigate a thought or feeling before deciding what to do next. They might “put on their detective hat” and ask themselves questions like, “What’s happening right now?” or “What would be a helpful thing to do?” This playful approach helps children connect with the process of slowing down and making intentional choices in a way that feels fun and engaging.
ACT also uses grounding techniques to help children manage strong impulses in the moment. For instance, a child who is feeling upset or frustrated might practice “bubble breathing” or “teddy bear breathing” to calm their body and mind before deciding what to do. These mindfulness practices encourage children to pause and focus on their breathing, which creates space for them to notice their feelings without immediately reacting to them.
Coping with changes in the family or home environment
Change is a natural part of life, but for young children, it can feel unsettling and overwhelming. Significant changes such as moving house, experiencing divorce, or welcoming a new sibling can bring a whirlwind of emotions; uncertainty, sadness, anger, or even excitement and confusion all at once. These feelings are completely normal, as children are still developing the ability to understand and process big shifts in their world. Change can feel like a storm at sea, tossing them on waves of emotions that they may not yet have the tools to navigate.
How ACT helps:
ACT helps children recognise that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions during times of change and that they don’t need to fight against these feelings. Instead, they can learn to ride the waves, just like a sturdy ship navigating a stormy ocean. The ship doesn’t try to stop the waves; it rolls with them, allowing itself to move with the natural rhythm of the sea. Even though the storm may make the journey uncomfortable for a while, the ship sets a course and stays on track, knowing that the storm will eventually pass. ACT uses this kind of metaphor to help children make sense of their emotions, showing them that while the waves and storms of life may feel big and scary, they won’t last forever, and they can still find their way forward.
Through playful and creative activities, ACT encourages children to notice their emotions, name them, and hold space for them without needing to push them away. For example, children might imagine “holding a weather balloon” that represents their feelings—allowing it to float alongside them without needing to pop it or let it drift away. This can help children understand that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable emotions and that they don’t need to fight against them.
ACT also helps children focus on what they can do during times of change, empowering them to take small steps towards things that are important to them. For example, if a child is feeling sad about moving to a new house, a practitioner might help them think about ways they can make their new room feel cosy or how they can connect with new friends in their neighbourhood. This approach helps children feel a sense of control and purpose, even when the storm feels overwhelming.
Fear of being judged
Young children may begin to develop fears about being judged by peers or adults, especially when they’re speaking up in class, trying something new, or tackling a challenge. This fear can feel like a big, scary monster whispering doubts into their minds; telling them they might mess up, look silly, or disappoint someone. While this fear is normal and even experienced by grown-ups, it can sometimes hold children back from engaging in activities they might enjoy or learn from. Helping children understand and respond to this fear is an important step in building their confidence and curiosity.
How ACT helps:
ACT introduces playful and imaginative ways to help children explore their fear of failure and approach it with curiosity and kindness. A key metaphor might be the “fear of failure monster”; a creature that feels big and a little scary but is really just trying to protect them. Practitioners can explain that the monster shows up when they care about something, like wanting to do well or make a good impression. The monster isn’t bad; it’s just a bit overprotective, and it often tells them things like, “Don’t try, you might fail!” or “What if everyone laughs?”
Through storytelling or drawing activities, children can create their own “fear of failure monster,” giving it a name, a face, and even some funny traits. By doing this, they can start to see the monster as something outside of themselves; something they can choose to listen to or not. A practitioner might ask, “When the monster shows up, who do you want to listen to? The monster, or the part of you that’s curious, brave, and loves to learn?” This helps children separate from their self-critical thoughts and focus on the reasons they want to engage in the activity; like exploring, having fun, or learning something new.
For example, a child who is nervous about trying a new activity might practice saying kind words to themselves, like, “It’s okay to feel scared. I can try anyway, and I might even learn something fun.” Practitioners might also use role-playing or storytelling to show how trying, even when it’s scary, can lead to exciting discoveries or moments of pride. Encouraging children to take small steps, celebrate their efforts, and reflect on what they discovered can help them see challenges in a new light.
Young children and ACT
Through tailoring ACT concepts to the developmental stage of younger children, practitioners can provide them with tools to navigate this age groups unique challenges. Through playful, interactive, and creative approaches, ACT can help children build emotional resilience, confidence, and a strong foundation for mental wellbeing.
ACT can also support young children indirectly by working with parents or caregivers. Helping parents develop their own psychological flexibility can create a more supportive and understanding environment for the child, modelling acceptance and values-based living.
