When we think about mindfulness, it often conjures up images of serene meditation, peaceful silence, and a complete focus on the present moment. But for busy parents, particularly those navigating the challenges of perinatal mental health, mindfulness can feel like a luxury. How do you carve out time for mindfulness when you’re juggling nappies, sleepless nights, and endless demands? The answer may lie not in finding time for mindfulness, but in recognising that mindfulness can be woven into the everyday chaos of parenting – and that’s where the concept of “toddler mind” comes in.
What is toddler mind?
This idea of “toddler mind” is very ACT compliant. It’s a way of helping parents connect to mindfulness skills by observing the natural, curious, and open way that toddlers experience the world. Toddlers, as any parent will know, are busy little beings. But their busyness is not the same as the distracted busyness adults often experience. Instead, toddlers engage with their environment with a sense of wonder, curiosity, and openness. They notice things adults might overlook, describe their observations with enthusiasm, and embrace the world with an unfiltered, present-moment awareness.
Imagine a toddler in the park. They might stop to observe a ladybird crawling along a leaf, point out the colours of flowers, or listen intently to the sound of birds chirping. These small moments of mindful engagement are examples of “toddler mind”. It’s living fully in the present, noticing and experiencing the world as it unfolds without judgement or resistance.
Using toddler mind in ACT for perinatal mental health
Perinatal mental health encompasses the emotional and psychological well-being of parents during pregnancy and the early years of parenting. These periods can be overwhelming, with parents often feeling stretched thin, as they try to meet the demands of their newborn or toddler while managing their own mental health.
Incorporating the concept of toddler mind into ACT offers a practical and relatable way for parents to embrace mindfulness in their daily lives. Here’s how:
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Mindfulness in daily activities
Many parents feel they don’t have the time to dedicate to formal mindfulness exercises, and that’s completely understandable. Toddler mind encourages parents to find mindfulness in the small, everyday moments they share with their child. Whether it’s noticing the texture of a baby’s blanket, the sound of their laughter, or the way sunlight streams through the window during a feed, mindfulness can be integrated into these routine activities.
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Curiosity and openness
Toddlers are naturally curious – they ask questions, explore their surroundings, and find joy in discovery. Parents can adopt this same sense of curiosity and openness in their own lives. For instance, instead of rushing through a walk with the pram, they can use the opportunity to notice the sights, sounds, and smells around them. What does the breeze feel like on their face? What colours can they see? This approach reignites a sense of wonder and helps parents reconnect with the present moment.
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Modelling mindfulness
One of the most important roles of a parent is to support their child’s development. By modelling mindfulness through toddler mind, parents not only benefit themselves but also encourage their child to continue engaging with the world in a curious and open way. This can enhance the parent-child bond and create a shared sense of connection.
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Letting go of judgement
Toddlers don’t judge their experiences – they simply notice and move through them. For parents, adopting this non-judgemental stance can be liberating, particularly during stressful or challenging moments. Instead of criticising themselves for feeling anxious or overwhelmed, parents can practise self-compassion and acknowledge their emotions without judgement.
In this short video, Jennifer Berrett, clinical psychologist with significant experience in NHS perinatal-related and maternity services explains the concept:
The value of toddler mind for parents
Incorporating toddler mind into ACT sessions can resonate deeply with parents. It provides them with a relatable metaphor for mindfulness and encourages them to see the world through their child’s eyes. For parents with perinatal mental health challenges, this approach can help reduce feelings of guilt and pressure to “do more”, replacing them with a sense of curiosity, openness, and acceptance.
Through this technique, parents can find mindfulness in the small, precious moments of their daily lives. Whether it’s noticing the way their child’s eyes light up at a butterfly or pausing to appreciate the silence of nap time, these moments of mindful awareness can promote emotional well-being and deepen the connection between parent and child.
Parenting is filled with challenges, but it’s also filled with opportunities for mindfulness. By adopting toddler mind, parents can learn to notice, describe, and embrace the present moment with curiosity and openness. This approach not only supports perinatal mental health but also offers a new perspective on the joys and wonders of parenting. So next time you’re with your little one, take a moment to see the world through their eyes – you might just discover the beauty of mindfulness in the most unexpected places.