Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can be incredibly helpful for parents, offering practical tools and strategies to navigate the unique challenges of raising children. ACT offers parents practical ways to manage emotions, clarify what matters most, and act with intention. By embracing ACT principles, parents can navigate the ups and downs of raising children with greater compassion, presence, and purpose.
Here are some examples of how ACT can support parents:
- Building psychological flexibility: Parenting often brings unexpected challenges; tantrums in the supermarket, arguments about screen time, or sleepless nights with a teething baby. ACT helps parents develop the ability to adapt in these moments. For example, instead of reacting impulsively to a child’s meltdown, a parent might pause, take a breath, and respond in a way that aligns with their values, such as staying calm and supportive.
- Managing difficult emotions: Parents frequently face feelings like frustration, guilt, or anxiety. For example, a parent might feel guilty for being short-tempered after a long day or anxious about their child’s struggles at school. ACT teaches parents to acknowledge these emotions without getting overwhelmed by them. Rather than thinking, “I’m a bad parent for feeling this way,” they might say, “I notice I’m feeling guilty right now, and that’s okay – it’s part of being human.“
- Clarifying values as a parent: ACT helps parents focus on what truly matters to them in their parenting journey. For instance, a parent might realise that their core value is creating connection with their child. When faced with the temptation to scroll through their phone during family time, they can reflect on this value and choose to engage fully with their child instead.
- Staying present with children: Mindfulness, a key aspect of ACT, is particularly helpful in parenting. Imagine a parent constantly worrying about the future, “Will my child make friends? Will they succeed in school?“, and missing out on the present moment. ACT encourages parents to focus on the here and now, such as truly listening to their child talk about their day or savouring bedtime routines.
- Reducing struggle with unhelpful thoughts: It’s common for parents to have self-critical thoughts, such as “I’m failing as a parent” or “Other parents are doing better than me.” ACT helps parents’ step back from these thoughts and see them for what they are, just thoughts. For example, instead of believing “I’m not good enough,” a parent might say, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough.” This creates space to act based on values rather than fear or doubt.
- Enhancing self-compassion: Parenting is full of mistakes and learning moments. A parent might snap at their child during a stressful morning and later feel awful about it. ACT encourages self-compassion, teaching parents to respond to themselves with kindness. For example, they might reflect, “It’s okay – I’m doing my best, and I can repair this by apologising and trying again tomorrow.“
- Role modelling for children: By applying ACT principles, parents can model healthy emotional responses and value-driven behaviour for their children. For instance, a parent practicing acceptance of their own mistakes might say to their child, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay, everyone does. What matters is what we do next.” This sets an example of resilience and self-acceptance.
ACT for parents – A practical example
Let’s say a parent is struggling with their teenager’s messy room. The parent feels a wave of frustration and thinks, “Why won’t they just listen to me? I’ve told them a hundred times.” Rather than trying to push the feeling away or immediately act on it, they take a moment to notice the anger, acknowledge it, and allow it to be there. It makes sense to feel this way — they care, they’re tired, and they want things to run smoothly at home.
From that more grounded space, they might reconnect with what matters to them as a parent — perhaps showing up with care, respect, and honesty. Then, instead of getting drawn into a shouting match, they might approach their teenager with openness, expressing how they’re feeling and exploring a way forward together.
Supporting parents as part of a young person’s team
Parents play a critical role in the success of any intervention with young people, and through ACT we can empower them to contribute effectively to their child’s well-being.
When working with young people, it’s essential that the adults in their lives (parents, carers, and even teachers etc) are aligned in their understanding of the intervention. Consistency in language, approach, and tools is crucial to helping young people navigate their challenges. Without this shared understanding, young people may feel confused or unsupported, and progress can stall.
The role of the DNA-V model in working with parents and young people
Parents often face their own challenges when raising young people, particularly during the adolescent years when roles and relationships shift. The DNA-V model, developed by Dr Louise Hayes, enables parents to become more flexible in how they respond to their own internal experiences – such as frustration, worry, or guilt – as well as in their interactions with their child. This flexibility allows them to step into their evolving role with greater confidence and compassion. Built on the principles of ACT, polyvagal theory, and positive psychology, this approach offers a shared language that can be used across both teens and adults. Visit the DNA-V model knowledge hub to learn more about it.
Why alignment matters
For interventions to succeed, it’s essential that parents and other adults in the young person’s life fully embrace the language, ideas, and concepts of the model being used. When everyone involved – including parents and other adults such as teachers, understands and applies the same principles, young people are better able to overcome the obstacles they face. This alignment creates a cohesive, supportive environment where the young person feels understood and guided rather than pulled in conflicting directions.
