As we celebrate World Kindness Day (observed annually on November 13th) we are reminded of the power of kindness in our lives and our communities. In ACT terms, we are focusing on the value of kindness, and the role this can play in our own lives, as well as our family, friends and the wider community.
When we consider ‘kindness’ as a value, we so often talk about the kindness displayed towards others. We think it’s important to consider kindness towards ourselves, too. One way to cultivate kindness is through the ‘loving kindness meditation’, a practice that can enhance our own well-being while fostering a more compassionate world. This experiential exercise helps to bring our focus back to the present moment in a non-judgemental manner, as well as bringing the value of kindness into this moment.
The essence of loving kindness meditation
Loving kindness meditation, or metta bhavana, is an ancient Buddhist practice that focuses on developing an attitude of love and kindness towards oneself and others. The word “metta” translates to loving-kindness, and the practice involves sending positive thoughts and well-wishes to yourself and those around you. The proposed mechanism of change is that by cultivating kindness within ourselves, we are more likely to express it towards others, creating a cycle of positivity. Therefore, by engaging in this meditation, we can nurture a sense of connection and understanding, both with ourselves and others.
There are 5 main aspects of kindness in this meditation, which includes expanding our focal points for the kindness:
- Focusing on kindness towards yourself
- Focusing on kindness towards a friend
- Focusing on kindness towards a stranger
- Focusing on kindness towards someone you might find challenging
- Expanding kindness towards all beings
It is worth noting that from an ACT perspective, some of the language in this may seem somewhat inconsistent, particularly the concept of controlling happiness and safety. While control over safety and health may be beyond our reach, the exercise aims to focus on showing kindness to ourselves and others rather than seeking to control or boost happiness specifically.
How to practice loving kindness meditation
- Find a comfortable space: Choose a quiet environment where you can sit comfortably without distractions. You can sit on a chair, cushion, or the floor—whatever feels best for you.
- Close your eyes: Gently close your eyes and take a few slow deep breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Allow your body to relax.
- Move through each of the 5 aspects: Start by focusing on yourself. You can repeat these phrases silently, if preferred. We have included some phrases people can find helpful, but feel free to individualise / personalise these: Allow these words to resonate within you, notice any feelings that arise and simply observe these.
- “May I be happy.”
- “May I be healthy.”
- “May I be safe.”
- “May I live with ease.”
- Expand your circle: Gradually extend your wishes to others, moving through aspects 2 to 4. Begin with a friend, or perhaps someone you love, then move to an acquaintance / stranger and eventually to those you may find challenging. You can use the phrases as above, replacing “I” with their name, or again, individualise the phrases:
- “May [Name] be happy.”
- “May [Name] be healthy.”
- “May [Name] be safe.”
- “May [Name] live with ease.”
- Include all beings: Finally, extend your kindness to all beings everywhere. Envision a world filled with love and compassion, repeating:
- “May all beings be happy.”
- “May all beings be healthy.”
- “May all beings be safe.”
- “May all beings live with ease.”
- Close your practice: When you feel ready, gently bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes. Take a moment to notice how you feel.
The impact of kindness
Research shows that practicing loving kindness can reduce self-criticism (Shahar et al., 2016), increase social connections and empathy (Hutcherson, Seppala & Gross., 2008), stress (Csaszar, Curry & Lastrapes., 2018; Totzeck et al., 2020), increase positive emotions (Zeng et al., 2015), and enhance our overall sense of well-being (Galante et al., 2014). When we consider the use of the use of the meditation in our clinical work, pilot studies have shown promising outcomes for use with individuals with a diagnosis of depression. For example, a 12-week intervention incorporating this alongside mindfulness and compassion abased interventions showed significant reductions in symptoms of depression at 3-month follow-up, as well as an increase in acceptance, decrease in rumination and, importantly, a decrease in emotional suppression (Graser et al., 2016)
Final points
On World Kindness Day, consider taking a few moments to engage in loving kindness meditation. You can do this alone or invite friends and family to join you. Share your experiences and encourage one another to carry kindness forward into your daily lives.
You can also take this one step further and consider committing yourself to some acts of kindness. These could be as simple as offering a (genuine!) compliment to someone, reaching out to a loved one with a kind message, helping a neighbour, or on a larger scale, volunteering.
World Kindness Day is more than just a date on the calendar; it’s an invitation to make kindness a priority in our lives. By incorporating loving kindness meditation into your practice, you can nurture compassion within yourself and extend it to others. Let this day be a celebration of love, connection, and the transformative power of kindness. Together, we can create a more compassionate world—one kind act at a time.
References
Csaszar, I. E., Curry, J. R., & Lastrapes, R. E. (2018). Effects of loving kindness meditation on student teachers’ reported levels of stress and empathy. Teacher Education Quarterly, 45(4), 93-116.
Galante, J., Galante, I., Bekkers, M.-J., & Gallacher, J. (2014). Effect of kindness-based meditation on health and well-being: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(6), 1101–1114. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037249.
Graser, J., Höfling, V., Weβlau, C., Mendes, A., & Stangier, U. (2016). Effects of a 12-Week Mindfulness, Compassion, and Loving Kindness Program on Chronic Depression: A Pilot Within-Subjects Wait-List Controlled Trial. Journal of cognitive psychotherapy, 30(1), 35–49. https://doi.org/10.1891/0889-8391.30.1.35
Hutcherson, C. A., Seppala, E. M., & Gross, J. J. (2008). Loving-kindness meditation increases social connectedness. Emotion (Washington, D.C.), 8(5), 720–724. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0013237
Shahar, B., Szsepsenwol, O., Zilcha-Mano, S., Haim, N., Zamir, O., Levi-Yeshuvi, S., & Levit-Binnun, N. (2015). A wait-list randomized controlled trial of loving-kindness meditation programme for self-criticism. Clinical psychology & psychotherapy, 22(4), 346–356. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.1893
Totzeck, C., Teismann, T., Hofmann, S. G., von Brachel, R., Pflug, V., Wannemüller, A., & Margraf, J. (2020). Loving-kindness meditation promotes mental health in university students. Mindfulness, 11, 1623-1631.
Zeng, X., Chiu, C. P. K., Wang, R., Oei, T. P. S., & Leung, F. Y. K. (2015). The effect of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions: a meta-analytic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 1693. https://doi.org/10.3389/fsyg.2015.01693
